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😂 These funny money quotes will inspire, motivate, and make you laugh out loud 🤣
If you are struggling with money or trying to get out of debt, you know that it can be downright discouraging Sometimes you need a little motivation or inspiration to improve your financial situation.
But sometimes you just need a laugh too…
This is exactly why I put together these funny money quotes, one-liners, memes, and funny money jokes from around the internet that’ll make you laugh out loud.
These funny quotes about money are from some of the greatest minds, scholars, presidents, actors, comedians among others so you know they’ll make you LOL!! 😂
Here’s a collection of the funniest quotes about money broken down into categories.
- Funny Quotes About Being Broke
- Working and Making Money Funny Quotes
- Funny Money Quotes About Woman, Marriage, and Sex
- Life and Family Funny Money Quotes
- Money Can’t Buy Happiness Funny Quotes
- Business, Banking, and Inflation Funny Money Quotes
- Funny Quotes About Borrowing and Lending Money
- Funny Tax Quotes
101+ Funny Money Quotes
Funny Money Quotes About Being Broke
I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.” ~ Anonymous
Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money ~ Anonymous
I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. ~ Fran Lebowitz
I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. ~ e. e. cummings
It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now! ~ Milton Berle
Money without brains is always dangerous. ~ Napoleon Hill
If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars. ~ J. Paul Getty
I am having an out-of-money experience. ~ Anonymous
Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it. ~ William Somerset Maugham
Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets. ~ Jerry Seinfeld
It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are. ~ Anonymus
We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules. ~ Unknown
I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed. ~ George Carlin
I’m so poor I can’t pay attention. ~ Ron Kittle
Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like. ~ Will Smith
Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice. ~ Tim Ferriss
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? ~ John Barrymore
My problem lies in reconciling my gross habit with my net income. ~ Errol Flynn
I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need if I die by 4 o’clock. ~ Henny Youngman
Working & Making Money Funny Quotes
There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. ~ Jack Yelton
If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. James GoldsmithWhat’s worth doing is worth doing for money. ~ Michael Douglas
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. ~ Groucho Marx
Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street. ~ Jay Leno
They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it. ~ Joseph Addison
The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket. ~ Kin Hubbard
If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around. ~ Christina Stead
Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed. ~ George Burns
I like my money where I can see it, hanging in my closet. ~ Sex and the City
Anyone who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn’t have any. ~ Anonymous
F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise.’ The choice is yours. ~ Zig Ziglar
Money talks, bullshit walks. ~ Stephen King
Too many people spend money to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like. ~ Will Rogers
Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. ~ George Carline
If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves. ~ Lane Kirkland
I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid. ~ Unknown
Funny Money Quotes About Woman, Marriage, and Sex
The biggest difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. ~ Brendan Behan
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things money can buy. ~ Steve Martin
If you’re given the choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal. ~ Katharine Hepburn
Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. ~ Robin Williams
Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and women … and the other ten percent I wasted. ~ Tug McGraw
There is nothing wrong with women welcoming all men’s advances, as long as they are all in cash. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. ~ Aristotle Onassis
It’s money, I remember it from when I was single. ~ Billy Crystal
They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? ~ Anonymous
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.~ Mae West
Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month, others just go over them. ~ Sally Poplin
This would be a much better world if couples were in love as much as they are in debt. ~ Earl Wilson
A man in love is like a clipped coupon – it’s time to cash in. ~ Mae West
A successful man is one who makes more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ~ Lana Turner
Life and Family Funny Money Quotes
The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. ~ Katharine Whitehorn
I made money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died. ~ Malcolm Forbes
If there’s a WILL, there are 500 relatives. ~ Anonymous
The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives. ~ Unknown
From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” ~ Sophie Tucker
What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” ~ Anonymous
It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green. ~ Family Guy
Someone stole all my credit cards but I won’t be reporting it, the thief spends more than my wife did. ~ Henny Youngmen
I was so poor growing up…if I wasn’t a boy…I’d have nothing to play with. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something. ~ Jackie Mason
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. ~ Oscar Wilde
Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you are making too much money. ~ Robin Williams
I made my money the old-fashioned way, I inherited it. ~ John Rease
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. ~ Robert Orben
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. ~ W. C. Fields
Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you. ~ Winston Churchill
In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular. ~ Kathleen Norris
Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college. ~ Bill Vaughn
When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money. ~ Artemus Ward
A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be. ~ Anonymous
Money Can’t Buy Happiness Quotes
I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too. ~ Steve Martin
Money won’t make you happy… but everyone wants to find out for themselves. ~ Zig Ziglar
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping. ~ Bo Derek
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. ~ Spike Milligan
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. ~ Spike Milligan
Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer. ~ Gary Reilly
Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children. ~ J. Paul Getty
Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery. ~ Joan Rivers
Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it. ~ David Lee Roth
What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money. ~ Henny Youngman
When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is. ~ Oscar Wilde
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
Money is not the most important thing in the world, love is. Fortunately, I love money. ~ Jackie Mason
Business, Banking, and Inflation Funny Money Quotes
October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February. ~ Mark Twain
What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? ~ Bertolt Brecht
If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one. ~ George Gobel
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~ Sam Ewing
It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account. ~ Woody Allen
Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate. ~ Mark Twain
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don’t need it. ~ Bob Hope
I rob banks because that’s where the money is. ~ Willie Sutton
Money is like manure. It isn’t worth anything unless it’s spread around. ~ Brooke Astor
Funny Quotes about Borrowing and Lending Money
People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage. ~ Doug Larson
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. ~ P. J. O’Rourke
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. ~Ambrose Bierce
If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are. ~ Errol Flynn
Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so. ~ Josh Billings
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. ~ Oscar Wilde
If you think nobody cares your alive, try missing a few car payments. ~ Earl Wilson
If you know the value of money, go and try to borrow some. ~ Benjamin Franklin
When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.” ~ Nick Arnette
Funny Tax Quotes
The rich hire lawyers and accountants for a reason – to pass the tax bill on to you. ~ George W. Bush
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? ~ Peg Bracken
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. ~ Mark Twain
The Best Way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream. ~ Bill Murray
The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money. ~ IRS auditor
I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons. ~ Douglas Adams
Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow. ~ Martin Sheen
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. ~ George Bernard Shaw
I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself. ~ Ronald Reagan
Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. ~ Herman Wouk
Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. ~ Herbert Hoover
If you enjoyed these funny quotes on money, please share them so others can have a good laugh too!!
Funny Money Quotes Conclusion
Doesn’t it feel good to laugh about money once in a while to help us forget about our troubles even just for a bit?
But in all seriousness, if you are struggling with your financial situation, check out the articles below for some help in getting your shit together…
62 Money Affirmations To Attract Wealth & Financial Abundance
How To Get Out Of Debt When You’re Broke As Hell
9 Budget Challenges Everyone Faces and How To Overcome Them To Succeed
16 Surprising Ways To Never Pay Full Price
21 Easy Ways To Save Money on a Tight Budget (even if you think you can’t)
31+ Ways To Earn Free Amazon Gift Cards
14 Best Cable TV Alternatives to Cut The Cord For Good
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